My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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