Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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