wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
