i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
