So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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