it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My balls are so social today.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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