Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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