life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
