Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
