Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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