i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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