i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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