And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
