There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
