..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
