I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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