shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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