Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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