Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
