if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
did i just pee glitter
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
