ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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