I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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