just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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