I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
