you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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