Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
