i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
