I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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