I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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