my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
