I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
