you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
