i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
