Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
