i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
