I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
