I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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