Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
