He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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