I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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