you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
