I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did I show you my penis last night?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
