Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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