My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
