Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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