Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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