Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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