Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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