my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
