so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
