i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
