quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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