Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
