so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
