I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
