I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Still dying that you shit outside
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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