i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
