You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
