Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
