dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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