Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
