I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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