Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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