Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
