We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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