remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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