my soul wont recognize me after tonight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
